


Once Bitten and Twice Shy

by Cones_McMurphy



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Aged up characters, Angst with a Happy Ending, But mostly angst, Cyrus is a fool, I listened to Last Christmas one too many times, Jonah is a sad boy, M/M, Rated T for swearing, also vaguely inspired by Back to December by T Swift, not TJ friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 13:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16873389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cones_McMurphy/pseuds/Cones_McMurphy
Summary: “He’s playing Never Have I Ever with Buffy and Marty, they’re in Andi’s room.”“What?” Jonah blinked.“Cyrus,” Bex lowered her voice. “In case you want to avoid him.”“Oh.” So, apparently even Andi’s mom knew what happened between him and Cyrus.





	Once Bitten and Twice Shy

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I hope you all like this. I wasn't able to find a beta for it, but I did edit it myself, so hopefully I didn't miss anything too glaring.

If there was one place Jonah didn’t want to be on a Saturday night, it was sitting on the couch, watching  _ Love, Actually  _ with his step-mom, Anna, and Jules, his twelve year old sister. But it was either spend a slightly uncomfortable evening watching Alan Rickman cheat on Emma Thompson, or go to Andi’s Christmas party. Sure, Andi’s party would be a chance to see high school friends that he hadn’t seen since in months. And sure, Andi was pretty upset when he said he couldn’t come. But going would mean seeing Cyrus and that…that wasn’t something Jonah could handle.

It was a little ridiculous, if he was totally honest with himself. He knew Cyrus, and at worst seeing him again might be a little awkward and painful, but it wasn’t like Cyrus would go out of his way to make it that way. Cyrus still cared about Jonah—or at least Jonah hoped he did. But it was hard to say. They hadn’t ended things well that night, and Jonah hadn’t made any move to fix the mistakes of that cold December night. It had been almost a year since the last time they’d spoken, and Cyrus never made any move to reach out.

To be fair, Cyrus was the one who had stomped on Jonah’s heart. What was Jonah supposed to do after that proverbial sucker punch? Keep being Cyrus’s friend, swallow his pain, and pretend like nothing ever happened? That wasn’t an option. He needed time to heal. He threw himself into his second semester of college, really pushed himself to do well in all his classes, and by the time summer rolled around, the wounds on his heart had scabbed over. He thought he might even try to see Cyrus again, but then Cyrus got some fancy internship in New York over the summer, so those dreams were quashed.

And that’s how Jonah Beck spent a year without speaking to Cyrus Goodman.

“Jonah,” Anna, spoke and broke Jonah from his melancholy. “You’re not even watching the movie.”

Jonah shrugged. “I’ve already seen it.”

“You know,” Jules spoke up, “It’s only 8:30. You could still make it to the party.”

“I don’t want to go,” Jonah shook his head. “Besides, I told Andi that I was sick.”

“And you think she bought that?” Anna scoffed. Anna was the first person Jonah came out to in high school, almost by accident, just after she’d married his dad, and ever since then, she’d been his biggest supporter. “I’m sure Cyrus told her what happened between you two.”

Jonah didn’t say anything.

“Don’t you want to see your friends?”

Jonah sighed and stood up. “Fine. I’ll go.”

“That’s the spirit!”

“But I won’t have a good time.”

“ _ Jonah _ .” Anna pursed her lips and shook her head.

And then Jonah was driving to Andi’s, anxiety already building in his chest. He had no idea what seeing Cyrus again would be like.  Jonah could picture him, laughing with Buffy, wearing some cheesy Hanukkah sweater to fight back against all the Christmas shit, insisting that his presence made it a holiday party,  _ not  _ a Christmas party. Jonah couldn’t help the smile that pulled at the corners of his lips at the thought.  _ Damn it.  _ He gripped the steering wheel tightly as he turned the corner onto Andi’s street.

He parked and walked slowly up the walk, his feet getting heavier with every step, his heart beating wildly in his chest.  _ Turn around, get back in the car, go back home. _

Somehow he made it to the door, and then he managed to knock. Bex let him in, looking a little surprised to see him. “I thought you were sick.”

“I changed my mind.”

Bex nodded. “He’s playing Never Have I Ever with Buffy and Marty, they’re in Andi’s room.”

“What?” Jonah blinked.

“Cyrus,” Bex lowered her voice. “In case you want to avoid him.”

“Oh.” So, apparently even Andi’s  _ mom  _ knew what happened between him and Cyrus.

_ Fan-fucking-tastic. _

Jonah made his way into the party, greeting friends and flashing his signature Jonah Beck smile. Most people were just kind of milling about and catching up with each other, so Jonah settled onto the couch and pulled out his phone. He scrolled through twitter for a few minutes before a voice pulled his eyes up from the screen.

“Jonah! You made it!” Buffy was grinning at him. “Glad to see you’re feeling better.”

Jonah smiled, genuine this time. “Buffy! It’s been too long!” He jumped up and pulled her into a hug. “How have you been?”

“Oh, the same as always,” Marty chuckled, handing Buffy a soda he must’ve retrieved from the kitchen. “Still better than me at everything.”

“Not everything,” Buffy rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. “You’re better at giving foot massages than me.”

“Glad I have some use.”

Jonah’s smile grew. He’d missed watching Buffy and Marty together. Of all the relationship combinations from high school, they’d lasted the longest. They had something real, Jonah could see it in their eyes. But as happy as he was for them, he still wished he could have that with someone.

He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by the sound of his own name.

_ “Jonah?”  _ Cyrus practically screeched from across the room and Jonah’s heart stuttered to a stop, his breath catching in the back of his throat. Cyrus looked good, because of course he did. He’d grown out his natural curls, so they fell across his forehead and framed those soft brown eyes Jonah loved so much. He was wearing a cheesy sweater, just as Jonah had predicted: a menorah plastered across the torso, and the words “IT’S LIT” across the chest.

“Cyrus…”

Cyrus stalked across the room towards Jonah, stopping just short of him. “I…”

“We don’t have to do this.” “ _ I thought you were sick.”  _ They spoke at the same time.

“Cyrus, please, can we just. Not talk?” 

“Oh.” Cyrus’s face fell, and Jonah knew he said the wrong thing.

“I mean, not like that,” Jonah shook his head. “I mean, can we just…pretend that what happened last year never happened.”

Cyrus pursed his lips. “Jonah…”

“Cyrus, please,” Jonah tried to swallow the panic he felt rising as a lump in the back of his throat, “You really hurt me. But I healed. Don’t open those wounds.”

Cyrus deflated. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault that you don’t feel the same way,” Jonah shrugged. “I don’t hold it against you, but I’d just rather put it all behind us.”

Cyrus’s head snapped up. “You used present tense.”

Jonah shrugged. “Yeah, so?”

“So, you still feel the same way you did last year?” Cyrus asked carefully, slowly, like he was afraid if he spoke to quickly, he’d break something.

Jonah blushed and nodded. He would always love Cyrus, no matter how long it had been. First love was deep like that.  

Cyrus bit his lip. “I think…we should go somewhere to talk about this.”

Jonah furrowed his brow. “Talk about…what?”

“What happened last winter,” Cyrus said quietly. “Us…Just… _ everything _ .”

Jonah frowned. He couldn’t understand why Cyrus insisted on ripping open old wounds. It seemed needlessly cruel to go through it all again, and for what? To clear his conscience of the hurt he caused? But Cyrus was giving him that look—like a lost puppy who followed him home—and Jonah couldn’t say no. He clenched his jaw, furious with himself for still being so soft to Cyrus, but nodded.

“Fine, fine,” Jonah sighed. “Whatever. We can talk. But can we go somewhere a little more private?”

Cyrus nodded. “Let’s go for a walk.”

Jonah didn’t say anything. He just followed Cyrus as he pulled on his coat, hat, and boots, and headed out into the frigid air. It wasn’t snowing anymore, but the whole world was wearing a blanket of white. If Jonah’s chest wasn’t so heavy, he might’ve appreciated how beautiful it was. Instead, all he could process was the anxious beating of his own heart.

“So,” Jonah hesitated. “You wanted to talk. So talk.” He could hear the harshness in his voice, but he felt detached from it somehow. Like he was watching himself in a movie.

“Jonah…” Cyrus sighed. “I’m sorry. I made a mistake.”

“You…” Jonah’s mouth went dry. “What does that mean?”

“It means I handled everything wrong,” Cyrus readjusted his scarf. “And I’ve spent the last year trying to figure it out how to fix things.”

Jonah snorted. “From what I’ve heard, you’ve had a great year. You went to New York over the summer.”

“What does that matter?” Cyrus shook his head. “I did it without you. I did it without my best friend.” Cyrus stopped, grabbing Jonah’s arm so their eyes met. “Jonah. I miss you so much.”

“Yeah, well, who’s fault is that?” Jonah spat, before power walking ahead. Did Cyrus really expect him to forgive that easily? Just because he still had feelings for him didn’t mean he wasn’t still hurt, and angry.

“Jonah!” He heard from behind him, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t want to fight with Cyrus, so he kept walking until the bubble of rage in his chest sank back down into his subconscious. He looked up to find his feet had taken him to the park where he used to practice Ultimate Frisbee, right under the old, flickering street lamp.  _ Of course. The scene of the crime.  _ Jonah cursed himself and his hopeless, foolish heart.

 

**ONE YEAR AGO**

_ Jonah paced anxiously, snow crunching underfoot. He’d texted Cyrus fifteen minutes ago, asking him to meet at the park. He knew it was silly to drag Cyrus out into the snow and cold, but the sun was out, at least. And that field was where they’d first met, so it seemed…romantic. _

_ Cyrus arrived, cheeks red from the cold, and Jonah’s heart skipped a beat. _

_ “Okay, what’s so important you dragged me away from Project Runway?” Cyrus pouted adorably. “I was so comfy and cozy.” _

_ “Cyrus…” Jonah was suddenly breathless. He took a step forward, taking Cyrus’s gloved hands in his own. “I have something to tell you.” _

_ Cyrus’s eyes widened. “Jonah?”  _

_ “This is where we met.” _

_ Cyrus nodded slowly. “You met Buffy here, too.” _

_ “Yeah,” Jonah shrugged. “But I didn’t fall in love with Buffy.” _

_ “WHAT?!” Cyrus’s eyes bugged out of his skull. _

_ “I’m in love with you, Cyrus.” Jonah had planned so many speeches, but in the end it just came out, rushed and inelegant. “I’ve been in love with you for so long. And I just had to tell you. Your friendship means everything to me, but—” _

_ “No, no,” Cyrus pulled his hands away from Jonah’s, his eyes already brimming with tears. “This can’t be happening. You can’t be in love with me.” He met Jonah’s eyes desperately. “Please, please, don’t be in love with me.” _

_ Jonah’s heart plummeted to his feet. “Cyrus, I—” _

_ “I’m supposed to meet Buffy,” Cyrus managed, “I have to go. I’m sorry, Jonah.” _

_ And then Cyrus turned away and left, leaving Jonah standing there in the snow like a complete idiot. _

 

“Jonah,” Cyrus huffed, pulling Jonah out of the memory, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I fucked up. I know I fucked up.”

Jonah put his hand up. “You don’t need to do this.”

“No, I really do.” Cyrus pulled Jonah’s hand down, interlocking their fingers. “When you told me you were in love with me, I panicked. I panicked hard. You were my best friend, you meant everything to me.”

Jonah swallowed thickly. “Past tense.”

Cyrus’s grip on Jonah’s hand tightened. “You  _ still _ mean everything to me, even if I’ve done a shit job of showing it this past year. But you have to understand, when you told me that, I was still processing my breakup with TJ. Yeah, it had been a few months, but TJ and I were together for two years. And you know how hard it was for me when we broke up. The thought of going through that with you…you’ve always mattered more than TJ…”

Jonah wasn’t sure when he started to cry, but hot tears were streaking down his cold cheeks. “But why,” he struggled to form the words, as he pulled his hand away from Cyrus, “Why would you think that I would ever leave you the way TJ did? He dumped you over text, for god’s sake. Is that really what you think of me?”

“No!” Cyrus said loudly. “No, of course not. It’s what I thought of myself.”

And just like that, every ounce of anger in Jonah’s body was gone, and his voice came out low and uncertain. “W-what?” 

“My parents got divorced when I was eight years old. For the first decade of my life, I got to see their miserable marriage up close and personal. And then when they remarried, I got to see those relationships degrade over time. I came from two people who were never able to really find love. I thought maybe I was different, when I started dating TJ. But I was wrong.”

“That was  _ him _ , Cy,” Jonah shook his head. “He was always an ass.”

A small smile pulled at the corners of Cyrus’s lips. “You called me ‘Cy’ again.”

Jonah shrugged. “Yeah, well, old habits die hard and whatever.”

“I should’ve handled my insecurity better, I know that now. I’ve actually been in therapy this past year,” Cyrus took a deep breath. “And I’m trying really hard to stop thinking of myself as, y’know, fundamentally unlovable and all that.”

“Cyrus…”

“I know, I know, I’m the son of psychiatrists, why didn’t I do it sooner?” Cyrus forced a laugh. “I can be kind of stubborn sometimes.”

Jonah couldn’t help rolling his eyes. “That’s an understatement.”

Cyrus chuckled, and Jonah felt a lightness he hadn’t felt in a year. For a moment, it felt like they were  _ them  _ again, they were  _ CyrusAndJonah _ again. God, Jonah had missed this, just talking and joking, so much.

“Here’s the bottom line, Jonah,” Cyrus took a deep breath. “I’m in love with you. I’ve  _ always  _ been in love with you. Ever since we first met, right here. And I’m still scared, god, I’m terrified. But I don’t know, I guess it wouldn’t be so scary to take this leap, if I took it with you?” Cyrus’s eyes were wide with anticipation. Jonah faltered.

“Cyrus…I don’t know…” Jonah pulled at a loose thread on his jeans. “I do still love you, but you really hurt me, and I….I just don’t know.”

Cyrus sighed sadly. “I understand.” He put out his hand for Jonah to shake. “Can we at least be friends again?”

Jonah smiled gently and took Cyrus’s hand. “Of course we can.” Cyrus’s hand was warm and his grip was firm and Jonah hated to let go.  _ What am I doing? Am I really turning him down? I love him. Am I making a mistake? But how can I trust him?  _ Jonah’s breathing quickened in time with his accelerating heartbeat. The world started to spin, and Jonah fought bile that rose up in throat.

“Jonah?” Cyrus asked gently. “Are you okay?”

“F-Fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” Cyrus raised an eyebrow. “And you’re still shaking my hand.”

“Oh.” Jonah dropped “S-Sorry.”

“Seriously, Jonah,” Cyrus frowned, “I can tell you’re panicking.”

“This is, it’s just,” Jonah took a shuddering breath, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

“Hey, hey,” Cyrus said softly, putting a hand on Jonah’s shoulder. “Breathe with me. Remember, in for 8, hold for 6, out for 7.”

Jonah nodded, and tried to slow his breathing to match Cyrus’s slow pace.

“I promise, everything is okay, Jonah,” Cyrus’s voice was steady and warm. “I know this has been a lot. I know that I hurt you. You don’t have to decide anything right now. There’s no pressure from me.”

“Thank you,” Jonah managed, his heart rate finally normalizing.

“Of course,” Cyrus hesitantly reached a gloved hand to Jonah’s cheek. Jonah leaned into his touch almost reflexively. “We were best friends once, and from now on, we’re going to be best friends again. I never want to go through the pain of losing you again. It nearly killed me, Jonah. Just ask Buffy.” Cyrus dropped his hand. “Besides, I think I actually miss hearing you talk about Ultimate Frisbee somehow.” 

Jonah chuckled. “Gee, thanks.”

Cyrus grinned back. “Hey, there’s those famous Jonah Beck dimples.”

“Yeah,” Jonah inhaled sharply. “You always were good at calming me down.”

“Hey, my parents are all shrinks,” Cyrus shrugged.  “It’s in my blood.”

It was more than that, Jonah realized. Cyrus knew Jonah better than anyone else in the world, maybe even better than Jonah knew himself sometimes. Cyrus always knew exactly what to say to pull Jonah back when no one else could. That was all Cyrus Goodman. His best friend. The man he loved more than anything else in the world. “Cyrus…”

“Yeah?”

There was so much Jonah wanted to say. _ I’m always going to love you. I still want to be with you. I forgive you.  _ But the words all caught in his throat. Cyrus looked at him expectantly, so he did the only thing he could. He put his arms around Cyrus, pulled him in close, and kissed him. Cyrus’s lips were cold and chapped, but the feeling in Jonah’s chest was warm and tingly. It was everything Jonah had ever imagined kissing Cyrus to feel like—familiar and new all at the same time. They broke apart, and Jonah leaned back on his heels.  

“Cyrus…” Jonah swallowed nervously. “Can we start over?”

Cyrus smiled, “I’d like that,” and extended his hand for Jonah to shake. “Hi, I’m Cyrus Goodman. I’m a Virgo, a sophomore in college, and an absolute idiot.”

Jonah took his hand, “Nice to meet you, Cyrus. I’m Jonah Beck. I’m really into Ultimate Frisbee, but I think I like you more.”

“Jonah!” Cyrus blushed.

“What?” Jonah feigned innocence, batting his eyes. “It’s what I should’ve told you the first day we met.”

Cyrus’s eyes widened before he surged forward to capture Jonah’s lips in another kiss. This one was longer and deeper and Jonah was sure Cyrus could feel his heart beating out of his chest. Jonah would’ve kissed Cyrus forever, but he felt something cold on the back of his neck. He pulled back and opened his eyes to see that it was snowing. He grinned, and leaned forward to rest their foreheads together.

“It’s snowing,” Was all Jonah could say.

“I noticed,” Cyrus’s eyes crinkled.  “What do we do now?” 

“I think…” Jonah rubbed the back of his neck. “I think we go back to Andi’s party, and we spend some time together. We have a lot to catch up on. And  _ then _ , maybe sometime this week, we can split some Baby Taters at the Spoon.” He took his hand away from his neck and reached out for Cyrus’s, locking their fingers together. “Just the two of us.”

Cyrus smiled slowly. “I’d like that.”

“It’s a date.”


End file.
